Now who do we see before us - a razor-thin vixen, a sassy mouthed strumpet, a well oiled trollop. A sickly red smaer of a mouth with the lips slightly parted. Dipsy smiles. Tonight has been an astounding success... She MUST thank her everloving audience! She readies herself hands on the microphone stand, hips thrust forward at the ready. And comes a bubbling a burbling a ginormous thundering reaches its way upwards crawling slowly stealing up long mucal passages. A pained look crosses Dipsy's face. This sudden pause capture's the audience's attention - their heads all swiflty whipping 'round in the same very direction. A vast wave of rotten juice and slimy mud rolls furiously out of Dipsy's tiny mouth. The onlookers gasp in horror and pathetically try to protect themselves. But the hellish tsunami flows on and onwards until there is nothing left. The room is a charred mess of broken bones and espied on the stage is an empty sac with remnants of nylon-like hair, nails and teeth sunken in the still quivering mess.

So dipsy took a breath, dreamily surveyed the whimpering crowd before her and lauched into another one; furiously entitled " I only do it because I'm not paid to" - which merrily then segued into "It's not difficult to be unoriginal".
The screams were increasing bar by bar and wobbly quaver by semi-quaver. Dipsy took this as a wondrous compliment and heartily took a large gulp from her flask of ginger goo. "For my final number" she breathily rasped into the microphone, simultaneously producing an audible quiver amongst those still left standing or crouching or cogniscent, "I plan to finish with my greatest alltime premier hit "Pass me a platitude".
At this - those of the audience that could still hear and have the capacity to understand the English language, heaved a tremendous, floor-shaking sigh of relief.
This awe-inspiring performance was still to reach it's climax!
Of course there were still those senseless few present that were unable to comprehend any of this, owing to the amount of blood and mucal tissue that had been forcibly relocated to their ears and eyes by the hellish cacophany streaming into their frontal and possibly also rear, sideways etc. lobes.
All in all Dipsy was more than giving her audience their money's worth.

dipsy hauled herself and her long skeletal fugure painfully up to the microphone and roughly broke into a rendition of "only scream when i make your ears bleed"...

the crowd looked momentarily around at her then quickly sidled off into the back corners

dipsy slowly approached the microphone - taking great care not to trip over the many piles of wooden shoes that lay scattered across the front of the stage.
she gave a harumph and a huff and then, making one more queer noise in her throat - she began.
"everyone - please draw a little closer to the stage. I'm a little out of sorts today and i'd like to seeing a smiling face or two" she drawled in a silly whining amero-indian accent.

mistress fluff'n'hiss hastily and meaningfully caught the eye of dipsy and motioned towards the stage with a crooked boney finger.
sighing sweetly and noisily dipsy hummed and harred her way trudgingly towards the stage, dragging with her the remains of the bottle of frangipani jooce.

dipsy pullover was a tall rakishly thin badly bleached blond with a voice that would send tremors of pain down your spine. This earsplitting cacophony was veiled in velvet tones, bellowing tremendously out of tune. so out of tune in fact, that it from another melody entirely on it's own. dipsy only partook in fuid refreshment - viewing that any solid foods would block the reverberations of her ghastly howl. truly her voice had not improved in the slightest over the 24 years that she had been depriving herself of food, but simply become more hideous and monstrous by the hour. for her accompaniement she would boot up an elderly korg 2000 keyboard with automatic rhythm section. in the past she had had various seedy looking bearded men as her musical offsiders, that would usually run off the stage screaming after barely 10 minutes - the longest ever, lasting a paltry 12 minutes, possibly due to the fact that he had not voluntarily left the stage, but had passed out and had to be bodily carried off to an ambulance.
still, that was the way of the entertainment business

hows about some entertainment?
the karaoke star - dipsy pullover was hanging around in the corner of the bar sipping a diet lite frangipani jooce.

but she couldn't be bothered...
she again cast her scheming eye about the room to rest her gaze on kittycar mitten - voraciously gulping meadow wine from her nearby friend's hat.

mistress fluff'n'hiss knew that she could wait for an eternity

she paused for his reply...

But what was this outburst?
mistress fluff'n'hiss slowly turned around and glared at the fluffy creature before her - "well, well... if it isn't barnabas t bunnyhop" she sneered.
"what on earth are you burbling about now?"

mistress fluff'n'hiss decided that enough was enough!
these freeloaders were filling themselves up on HER dainty cakes and HER luscious tidbits and lounging around on HER cumfy couches and what for?
nothing!
it was time to take action!
she gingerly raised herself up from where she had been seated to her full height...

but what was this!
mistress fluff'n'hiss was interrupted in casually meandering her glance across the crowded room by the thought that several important invited guests did not appear to be present. She quickly flipped open her handy style-o-fax and cast her eye down the list. "hmm, let me see... lavender lilybrush appears to be her (and looking ravishing in her amber velvet catsuit, I must say), and look there's albert k walrus, china foxtail, petunia nutcup, hmmm... etc, etc... well! I can't see the marmalade pot or barnabas t bunnyhop anywhere! what could have happened? I must investigate!

the doors to the house of kitty were flung open today
mistress fluff'n'hiss lazily stretched herself and rose to greet the hordes of kittiness and yowlings that surged at the front entrance.
"come in and sup with me my pretties"
she entreated
"and we will feast on dainty almond cakes and vanilla tea"
with that said, she briskly hopped up, gave her tail a brief twitch and stormed off to the garden to set out the fine linen and orange rubber stools for her guests.