Now who do we see before us - a razor-thin vixen, a sassy mouthed strumpet, a well oiled trollop. A sickly red smaer of a mouth with the lips slightly parted. Dipsy smiles. Tonight has been an astounding success... She MUST thank her everloving audience! She readies herself hands on the microphone stand, hips thrust forward at the ready. And comes a bubbling a burbling a ginormous thundering reaches its way upwards crawling slowly stealing up long mucal passages. A pained look crosses Dipsy's face. This sudden pause capture's the audience's attention - their heads all swiflty whipping 'round in the same very direction. A vast wave of rotten juice and slimy mud rolls furiously out of Dipsy's tiny mouth. The onlookers gasp in horror and pathetically try to protect themselves. But the hellish tsunami flows on and onwards until there is nothing left. The room is a charred mess of broken bones and espied on the stage is an empty sac with remnants of nylon-like hair, nails and teeth sunken in the still quivering mess.

So dipsy took a breath, dreamily surveyed the whimpering crowd before her and lauched into another one; furiously entitled " I only do it because I'm not paid to" - which merrily then segued into "It's not difficult to be unoriginal".
The screams were increasing bar by bar and wobbly quaver by semi-quaver. Dipsy took this as a wondrous compliment and heartily took a large gulp from her flask of ginger goo. "For my final number" she breathily rasped into the microphone, simultaneously producing an audible quiver amongst those still left standing or crouching or cogniscent, "I plan to finish with my greatest alltime premier hit "Pass me a platitude".
At this - those of the audience that could still hear and have the capacity to understand the English language, heaved a tremendous, floor-shaking sigh of relief.
This awe-inspiring performance was still to reach it's climax!
Of course there were still those senseless few present that were unable to comprehend any of this, owing to the amount of blood and mucal tissue that had been forcibly relocated to their ears and eyes by the hellish cacophany streaming into their frontal and possibly also rear, sideways etc. lobes.
All in all Dipsy was more than giving her audience their money's worth.